Rats - Notte di terrore (1984) Poster

the only thing this movie accomplished is making me want to go out and buy some pet rats there just so cute ... file this movie under Italian guys throwing rats at each other and awesome voice overs

The Stepfather (2009)

watch out he might just want to start a happy family with you next

(2/5)

Misery (1990)

Truly a monster everyone should fear, the bored Christian woman ... 

(5/5)

Pet Sematary II (1992)

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 Films like this are the reason I love horror its the whole your lucky if you die fast cause if you survive all you have to look forward to is endless therapy followed by suicide.

(5/5)

Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)

Frankenstein's monsters looked like his face was made of pizza doe and you cant understand a word Dracula is saying

(2/5)

Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986)

What ever happened to Dana Freeling did the grandmother refuse to let her into her home because she was a slut or was there a secret human sacrifice to the beast

(5/5)

The Devil's Rain (1975)

Meet Corbis the nicest 300 year old  satanic cult leader you will ever meet its a shame that all his friends melted :(

(2/5)  ps... Shatner sucks

Braindead (1992)

Dear Peter Jackson,
why did you stop making horror films the wold needs more

(5/5)

p.s.. The lord of the rings trilogy is long & boring

Neon Maniacs

Since I am know for my skills in oneupmensship and its really one of my better qualities. I have to tell people instead of watching Nightbreed, people should seek out a lovely lesser known film Neon Maniacs. The films starts out just as one would guess, with an older dude all alone and with the "what sound was that look on the face" boom he gets greased when he finds tarot cards with creatures who predate Nightbreed by four years, and still manage to outgay Clive Barker and thats hard to do! Now the Maniacs are a rogues gallery of monsters who looks like someone got a great deal on bulk costumes, theres a biker, a doctor, a doglike thing, something that looks like a booger with sharp teeth, samuri and a bunch of stotic non verbal killers. The focus of the story has shades of peyton place and romeo and juliet...not really, its about the lovely blond girl who has her in the woods party attacked by the neon maniacs and she is the only one to live to tell the tale. She has little help by the people who think she made it all up, this allows a reason to bring in the nerdish hero guy who happens to be in a Rick Springfield influenced band and he happens to believe she is not lying. The film progresses quite nicely with a classmate who makes horror movies and is a pest, wackiness ensues as it goes into the final act and I will not tell you where it happens and if you've ever seen one horror film it will come to no suprise and its open ended 80's finish makes you wish you grew up watching this expand into a franchise, sadly it was just Jason takes Manhattan and it may be for the best because most genre just became self parody and I would throw this baby in a lake before I let any harm or remake would arise.

Ginger Snaps (2000)

New Title - She wolfs time of the month

(5/5)

La marca del Hombre-lobo (1968)

The American name for this film is Frankenstein's bloody terror watching it there was no Frankenstin or his monster just some satanic vampires and a few wolf-men who like to wrestle

(5/5)

Phantoms Phantoms Phantoms

Phantom of the Opera, The (1925) 

•  The Phantom = Some sort of awesome man baboon who is really good with a noose
  
• Christine Daaé = She looks like she is doing the vogue
• The Film = Its funny how a silent film can put all its remakes to shame 

(5/5)

Fantasma dell'opera, Il (1998)

• The Phantom = A sketchy hessian dude raised by rats who enjoys a good power walk around the cave
• Christine Daaé = A clingy slut who throws a tantrum the second the phantom needs some phantom time
• The Film =  the phantom with gore sex and giant human traps in the sky like most argento movies it leaves you wondering what the fuck did i just watch

(2/5)

Phantom of the Opera, The (2004)

• The Phantom = A greasy gym rat who lost his right eyebrow
• Christine Daaé = Completely insane, she believes her dead father is teaching her to sing through her mirror
• The Film = A terrible musical that makes the story drawn out and confusing 

(1/5)

Hard Rock Zombies (1985)

A true hair metal band needs two things spandex and a pedophile

The Sentinel (1977)

 Ghosts of killers have a birthday party for a cat and if you try to kill yourself god turns you into a nun

The Mist (2007)

This is a story about what happens to quitters ( what a great ending )

ThanksKilling (2009)

It would seem as if the people who wrote the dialog for this movie had never interacted with another human being.

Chopping Mall (1986)

These robots just want hugs

Spider Baby or, The Maddest Story Ever Told (1968)

Spider Baby paved the road for movies such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes. Most things from the 60s make me want to kill myself while Spider Baby proves good things can come out of shitty times

It Waits (2005)

So a bootleg Pumpkin-head is toying with a slutty park ranger and her parrot.

( how did this get made ?)

Watch it (HERE)

Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)

after 20 years of swinging a chainsaw around buba"s shed a few pounds