Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Jackie Kong's Giant Penis

There's nothing more upsetting then when ordinary feline nut-balls swell into a bloodthirsty seventy-foot tall sentient erection. But exactly this is what transpires in Jackie Kong's The Giant Thinking Penis.

Having endured a harrowing ordeal which sees him reduced to a puddle of regurgitated cat food in Kong's previous installment in the Being franchise, The Incredible True Story of Michael Smith's Gelatinous Human Nut-Balls, The Being returns to confront once and for all his arch-nemesis Mortimer Lutz, played by Harold Wilderbum, animal porn-star. Wilderbum delivers a whirlwind performance which showcases his versatility as an actor in addition to his physical durability in scenes that call for all-out dinosaur-style monster fucking.

When one horrifyingly serene evening the soup that is now Michael Smith is fortuitously struck thirty consecutive times by lightning, the moment Dr. Finger has been waiting for has arrived. Slurping up the radioactive slop with a purple twirly straw and swishing it around in his herpetically-blistered mouth with the precise proportions of giblets, goose semen, and Pabst Blue Ribbon, he then swallows the odious concoction. Mortimer wipes clean a foggy window with his flannelled forearm and peers into the abandoned warehouse on Main Street just in time to witness The Being's emergence from Dr. Fingers mouth in conjunction with a caustic burp with causes Dr. Finger to erupt into flames.

America's favorite notorious retard is back in A Premonition of Debauchery.

Ben Ford engages in all out dinosaur style monster fucking on his own blog,

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