Saturday, December 25, 2010

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Die, Monster, Die! (1965)


These rocks are fucking radioactive I think I'll pick it up and start playing with it maybe sleep in the same house as it

Thursday, December 9, 2010

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)

I am going to have so many nightmares of baby jane hudson for the rest of my life

(5/5)

Theater of Blood (1973)

 The worlds greatest actor playing the worlds greatest actor how can you beat that ... maybe with a poodle pie


(5/5)

Sunday, December 5, 2010


some guy and some broad make some experiment and cant decide what to do with it. long story short the thing grows into some human thing the guy fucks it and then all hell breaks loose.

(4/5)

House of the Damned (1963)

so apparently the meaning of the word damned has changed a shit ton in the last 50 years i would have named this movie the house of the slightly startled or bootleg scooby doo

(3/5)

Friday, December 3, 2010

Pontypool (2008)

Yet another stupid scheme to cure the living dead when will man learn

(3/5)

Rats - Notte di terrore (1984) Poster

the only thing this movie accomplished is making me want to go out and buy some pet rats there just so cute ... file this movie under Italian guys throwing rats at each other and awesome voice overs

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Near Dark (1987)

Did it bother anyone other than me that Jesse has been alive for 200 years and he is still a completely sketchy bum ?? maby it hurts vampires to use a shower i don't know

(5/5)

The Video Dead 1987

Things I've learned watching the video dead

  1. Never just trust the guy making up ways to kill the zombies
  2. do not ship your demon t.v. with some 3rd rate courier service 
  3. a chainsaw is useless if your dangling off a tree from some rope
  4. some zombies just kill for fun
  5. its bad to sleep with your housekeeper but its o.k. to sleep with boys who will desecrate the corpse of a dog
  6. zombies are inpatient dinner guests
(4/5)

Friday, November 19, 2010

Drive Thru (2007)

So someone who clearly Loves a certain group of raping clowns went out and made a movie is I were to guess how the idea for this movie stated It would go like this

"lets make a Freddy movie but in place of Freddy i want a bad ass clown with flames on his shirt and a hatchet the kids there going to be the friends I've always wanted and everyone smokes weed"

and the best news of all is that there are so many rapping clown fans in the world that theirs going to be a sequel  Drive Thru 2: The Nightmare Is Just Beginning aka juggalo resurrection

(2/5)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Survival of the Dead (2009) AKA: Beating of the Dead Horse

after seeing land of the dead and diary of the dead for some strange reason I still had hope for survival of the dead I truly thought this would be the redemption of the dead but sadly no it was the worst one yet it felt like i was watching a rob schneider film with the bad accents for no reason, zombie shootouts and the last girl on earth is a obnoxious lesbian ... also seriously fucking twins fuck you

Monday, November 1, 2010

The Ocean Black

http://www.theoceanblack.com/   **6 Minute Preview**

I know there are a lot of assholes making a lot of bad zombie movies these days, but this one looks to have some promise.  Marcos Garcia special effects artist behind Resident Evil: Extinction and Apocalypto moves to the directors seat for this one. The Ocean Black is about Amber, Don and their son Aaron (though if you watch the clip, Aaron goes out like a bitch super early) your typical american family surviving in a zombie apocalypse.  They barricade themselves in their appartment until...... thats right you guessed it they run out of supplies.  I don't know what it is about this one but I have a good feeling about it. I mean come on the kid gets fucking smoke checked by zombie withing the first 6 minutes of the film, how could this not be awesome.

~ Zombie Ate My Breakfast

Monday, October 25, 2010

Murders in the Rue Morgue (1971)

Murders in the Rue Morgue was

  • 50% silly David Lynch dream sequences

  • 25% plays trying to find a way to work a man in a ape suit in 

  • 25% phantom of the Oprah

Friday, October 22, 2010

So, apparently movies are retarded now

 So, apparently movies are retarded now and so are people who think they have purchased haunted boxes on ebay.  Welcome to the age of people who can't come up with an original movie idea.

Dibbuk Box
Release Date:    No Release Date Available
Director:           Ole Bornedal
Writer:              Juliet Snowden & Stiles White
Starring:            N/A
Studio:              Lionsgate


Story based on a haunted box purchased on Ebay that brings bad fortune to its possessors. Eventually being passed from one person to the next and causing all sorts of torment.

The film is in the vein of The Exorcist or The Shining, based on real events that transpired after a family wound up in possession of a haunted box, setting off a harrowing struggle to rid themselves of the box's evil curse.

This shows exactly how I feel the writing process goes these days.




~ Zombies Ate My Breakfast

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Paranormal Activity


So, I'm sitting here being a fucking slave to the man and yes it's 2:56am in the morning, and no I'm not picking cotton in the fields.  I worked 7am-3pm today and now I'm back working "forced overtime" from 11pm tonight until 3pm tomorrow.  So I figured...... fuck it I will do what I have been dreading and putting off for months, I will finally watch Paranormal activity.  I'm not gonna lie, I'm a horror movie elitist and I cringe while watching slop for the masses like this.  But fuck me sideways, I really enjoyed this movie.  The acting was fucking garbage, the effects were fucking garbage, shit me and Unholy Moly could make a better looking movie in the alley behind his apartment, but the atmosphere of this movie is genuinely scary.  I know I can't believe I'm saying it either.  The only thing that kinda ruined this movie for me was the guy who played Micah (Micah Sloat) this fucking ass hat couldn't act his way out of a paper bag.  Aside from  Micah being a douche, you get an uneasy feeling through the whole film and I have to say it's a nice change of pace.  I'm not saying it's a great movie by any means, but when you go into a movie expecting to see crap and it catches you off guard when it's not, that is fucking awesome.  The whole movie is filmed from Micah's camera as him and his live in girlfriend experience supernatural events.  I'm not a big fan of the shaky camera genre, so its refreshing that most of the time the camera is on a tripod.  I also need to give props to the writer/director Oren Peli. He made this movie for around $15,000 and it raked in $7 million in its first weekend.  This film is all about what you don't see, and if you've ever been really scared by something that went bump in the night then you should check this bitch out.  If your a gore whore like myself you might be really bored by this film and may want to pass.  I don't know how I feel about the next film being a prequel, so you will probably have to wait for it to come out on Netflix streaming before I write anything about it. 

~ Zombies Ate My Breakfast

As a treat here is a retard review from Netflix user ioe 210594 from Los Angeles, CA

My major problem with this movie is simply that they left the door open throughout all of it.That and their extremely slow reaction to do practically anything to prevent it. Otherwise good build up and great climax.

He apparently has found the solution to Micah and Katie's demon problem ............ shut the door!  Shit that is fucking brilliant, #1 the demon didn't open and close doors like 20 times during the movie, #2 I'm pretty sure a demon that can drag a bitch out of her bed and across the floor, can't open a fucking door. But, I mean I'm just saying.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Neon Maniacs (1986)

Help me understand how this happened there monsters that live in a bridge who melt when they come in contact with water these guys need to move and buy rain boots

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Slugs: The Movie (1988)


This move has the greatest fight between a man and a gardening glove you will ever see
(2/5)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

...


Sick of the fact that we never update so are we send us recommendations, comments, free shit, hate mail, love letters, head shots, condolences on our bead blog,   or become a member of our ghastly group of outcasts

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Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Blood: The Last Vampire (2009)


If you take the blade movies and you replace westly snipes with a asian girl who needs a shower replace the action with shaky cameras and lost any attempts at comic relief you get blood the last vampire

1/5

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Thank you Facebook

For reminding me how much we suck

Love Object (2003)


Kennith can't decide if he likes plastic or Flesh maybe plastination is the answer to his problems.

(2/5)

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Stan Helsing (2009)

yet another move made for people in a coma ... if you are conscious and you enjoyed this horror parody please go see a doctor and have them medically induce you into the state you belong

(1/5)

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Satans Orphans hall of fame induction

Bill makes grate use of his free time finding a new use for great big fat girls and raising moths

Sunday, May 16, 2010

R.I.P. RONNIE

He is the reason that you know to throw up your horns. He is the rainbow in the dark. And we will miss him.

 

 

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