Thursday, October 22, 2009

Troll 2: Electric Boogaloo

I have always known about the duality of life, I grew up watching Tales ftom the darkside and I'm well of the carbon copies of memories and how They take a Bizarro twists. Now I can say that I knew even as a teen that I had a built-in quality control in my mind, but watching Troll 2 only led to a case of my mind being broken.

Anyone who was my age and who has seen Troll was amped on the idea of expanding on the treat for your eyeballs that Troll was, back then I quickly picked up on the fact this film has zilch to do with the orginal troll and it was much more diluted than piss in an ocean. The beginning is one of those fairy tales intro's complete with the formula-1 blonde with drawn on freckles who turned out to be a troll who fed a dumb shit dutch boy who looked like he stepped out hansel and gretal. Wacthing this dumdum suffer his tricked fate is very pleasant due to the fact the white bitch fed his ass food that looked like green pudding, so really he earned his demise ten fold. I can get into an opening act like that, now since life ain't perfect and the viewer has to suffer though the first lines of Joshua, who is overlayed in the scene reacting to his Grampa telling him a story. I think we all have been around someone who can just manage to annoy you just by yapping away, and this IS that kid.

Now I just have to keep harping on about Joshua because the rest of the movie is this shitty child reacting to the events around him by whining though each seen he is in. I have to say it would have been a cool scene in which, Joshua Pees on food left for the Family by the Trolls who live in a town named Nilbog of which somehow the family is invited to a timeshare with Family who lives in a fanatical ol timey town, there is even the Cookie cutter bible thumper bad guy. I veer back to when dead Grampa who has the ablity to stop time to prevent the family from eatting troll food and sweating green stuff and turning into veggies for trolls to eat. I can't say what I would have done, but Einstein cooks up the idea of peeing on the food and thats cool but he says outloud "I have to do this" Now if people could die from food hell yes I would pee on it and maybe if there was no death involved.




I knew there was something rotten in Denmark, even when I watched this movie as a teen. Years later it turned out to be a crew of Italians and a cast of people who have never acted before: for example the party scene with the two old people clapping on the couch, my eyeballs wanted to jump out my skull and slap me in the mouth for seeing that image. I could yap on forever about the 90's and how is nearly killed horror as a genre, yes it was a trying time for anytime for anyone who liked seeing death. Horror was a played out fad in the 90's and got very little money to make a film and it shows even with the Greats like Argento and Fulci, to be fair Soavi did his best efforts for horror and he did it well.

To watch Troll 2 is seeing a tired and worn genre use all its showstoppers like the hammy bitch witch who was the towns mom or something to that effect and the lame jumpscare which is vicked from Inferno where you see the witch in the mirror and a troll busts though the mirror. I could break down the movie even further but anyone who is a fan of Wop horror can tell you where most of the cinematography ideas came from. I still would watch this movie again just as anyone would watch a old guy in a Def Leppard tshirt getting shot down in a bar constantly. I will tell only those whose hearts and souls are true to watch this, and don't watch this film alone because you need to ask the person next to you "did that just happen?" also booze or any other vice of your choice will help.

Watch it Here - Link

1 comment:

Unholy Moly said...

is it strange that negative reviews make me want to watch movies for more than positive ones ?

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