Thursday, February 18, 2010

Rawhead Rex

Scraping the top layer off the amazing mind of Clive barker, you find what seems to be a huge gay bondage monster that roams the Irish country side. I know this sounds like something like you would slash the tires of the neighbor car across the street and believe me you should. This film is that would most likely offend some people in the God camp and watching a Priest getting Baptised with evil piss is worth the price of the dvd.
He's Pure Evil. Pure Power. Pure Terror. This this the tagline for the film and trust me, if you are afraid of the gays, this film just might scare the shit out of you. It all starts in a lovely part of Ireland and some potato washer is trying to remove a giant cock like pillar from a field, This is where all the fun begins because if you bury a giant monster in the ground it may as well have an eight foot dildo to remind the world of evil.

On to the hero and the one to fill his shoes is a dude who loves sweaters and has a cunty wife and two awful children and I see Clive Barker reasoning, if you had to face this family, I too would try to endanger my life by hunting a monster. The hero is a photographer who is just dicking around in Ireland and stubles on the Church with a stained glass of Rawhead Rex, and noone questions why the church has a monster window, I guess when a priest has a thumb up the butt of a child, the priest will say "Monster! btw Jesus loves you" and most people never bother to smell the thumb of their local priest.

Rawhead Rex is a monster to end all monsters, Eight feet of something that stepped out of an S&M club that has mullet-like haircut or when Watty put down his mohawk. Rawhead is mad for being banished in the earth and now he is all about getting close-ups on his face and killing people and when Rawhead goes apeshit and makes his presence know to all the locals, I feel it would be the same if a leather daddy brought an uzi into walmart.
The photgrapher is a man obessed to prove that Rawhead is real monster and the Police are slow to realize that he is not crazy and by time this happens, sweater-man is down one fuckhead child and guess what? it turns out the church is at fault and is very susceptible to curruption and golden showers. And you ask "how do you stop a creature so awful?" send your yeastest crotch up against Rawhead and you on the right track.

Fun violence and great close-ups on Rawhead Rex make this one of the most watchable Clive Barker works, and don't get me on that shitfest Midnight Meat Train.... cunt christ with a cleft lip. Shit get bananas in the final act, so load up and enjoy!

1 comment:

rdpenning said...

Probably one of the more funny reviews I have ever read. Good job!

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