Thursday, January 21, 2010

Robot Holocaust

I remember hearing tales of a man who directed gay porn, had a surplus of fur and potato sacks in New York in the 80's. As with all the tall tales we have grown up with that have faded in the back burners of our minds, like the vans the would drive around and lure kids into the back of the van and proceed to breaks their fingers. I made up the first part but the second part is something that was talked about growing up in Lynn, never saw or met anyone who didn't just talk about it. As for the gay porn director who made horror films, sometimes you just stumble on to greatness while your hiding from the rain.

Yes it is true that Tim Kincaid has a amazing background in anus wrecking all the while having the ability to tell an interesting tale that would have been stolen from Hollywood years later. Robot holocaust tells the of Neo who has a foppish robot sidekick that has the mouth of a sex doll, so the time is a post apocalyptic New York that is ruled by a shadow figure robot known as the Dark Lord and has a female lackey that is quite sexy with her spandex and her big hair.

The plot plays out in a way that feels like Wizard of OZ meets the warriors, Neo goes on a quest to the power station, the dwelling of the Dark Lord. Neo gets in wacky exploits and meets a crew of half naked men and a Amazon type female warrior who tends to hate men, but she will cut out dudes tongues then force a dude to make babies.

This film is a goldmine of quotes and there is no stop of silly action and the melee combat is downright amazing, this is a vision of the future I can get behind. Perfect shots of 80's New York and there is one scene where the twin towers are still standing, proving the towers could survive the Apocalypse but in reality humans can fuck that up.

The last twenty five minutes of the film are even more mind blowing than the first sixty,and yes the film runs a total of eighty minutes and spaceballs wished it had an ending this good. Robot Holocaust proves you don't need budget or good fx to make a great film, This may be a buck tooth dome-headed child with a droopy ear...even with all the strikes against it there is more than enough promise to keep you interested and you'll laugh most of the way.

I made it though an entire rant without making a potshots at remakes, fuck it the Matrix is a polished turd of Robot Holocaust and its funny how remakes of good movies turn out a shitty product, but when you take a gem like this and lift the basic plot and throw in a talking head of an actor, the final product is as worthless as the collectors edition of the generic blockbuster that has flooded the market since the birth of dvd extras.

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